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Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 7, Episode 1
The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the first episode of the seventh series. Key *'HD' – Hugh Dennis *'AP' – Andy Parsons *'FB' – Frankie Boyle *'RH' – Russell Howard *'GY' – Gina Yashere *'FS' – Frank Skinner Topics Things You Wouldn't Hear From a Weather Forecaster *'HD:' The Met Office have issued a weather warning. They've told the weather not to do that again or there'll be trouble. *'FB:' Temperatures could rise to 31 degrees- SHIT, I'VE LEFT MY BABY IN THE CAR! *'RH: ' A hurricane tonight will be caused by low pressure, and God’s hatred of homosexuality. *'FB:' A huge depression over Scotland, and now the weather. *'FS:' And finally, a warning to hay fever sufferers: Don't come sneezing near me or I'll rip your face off. *'HD:' So here's the summary: Monday shite, Tuesday shite, Wednesday shite, Thursday bollocks. *'AP:' The humidity's rising, the barometer's going low. Tonight, for the first time, just about half past ten... it's gonna start raining men. *'FB:' Yeah, it looks bright for the weekend. I've got three grams of coke in my pocket and my wife's on holiday. *'HD:' Well let's go to Carol on the roof of Television Centre. She's not meant to be there, she's just a bit depressed. *'FB:' This part of the country is gonna stay hot and wet for quite some time, because that's where my girlfriend lives. Oh, yeah! *'HD:' So, it's gonna be between 17 and 21, but Berlusconi won't date older than that. *'RH:' It was raining cats and dogs last night. I should know; I was throwing them off my roof. *'GY:' What you watching me for? Look out the fucking window! *'FS:' It's gonna be cloudier tonight. I love those German birds. *'FB:' What do you care what the weather's gonna be like? You look shit in all your clothes! Deleted Lines From Star Trek *'HD:' Kirk to Enterprise. Okay, how about if I stand over here? (moves) *'FB:' HALUMMAHAMNEBALHEMNEHUMBAHA. Scotty, that's the most convincing your accent has ever been. *'FS:' (imitating steering) Captain I can see an alien ship approaching, it's not showing up on the radar. It's a circular vessel, some sort of lettering and number- Oh no sorry it's m- it's my tax disc. *'HD:' I have no emotion. My mother was a Vulcan, my father was Gordon Brown. *'RH: '''All right, which one of you ate my scotch egg? *'FB: This is the Federation of Gay Planets. Open your docking bay and prepare to be boarded. *'''RH: Say what, Spock, your towel is a lot softer than mine. *'GY:' Captain's log: Just seen some aliens OMG WTF LOL smiley face. *'FB:' Who are these terrifying aliens? You can't call 'em that anymore, Captain, it's Uhura and Sulu. *'HD:' (with a strange voice) Velcome to ze S.S.Enterprise, Mr. Ecclestone! *'AP:' Now which one of you put your red top in the washing with all the yellow ones?! *'RH:' There's gonna be some changes around here. They call me Captain Tatty Bojangles. *'FB:' What's wrong, Captain Picard? WHAT'S WRONG?! I'M A SERIOUS SHAKESPEARIAN ACTOR AND I'M TALKING TO THE AMBASSADOR OF THE FUCKING WORM PEOPLE! Category:Scenes We'd Like To See